A reason to live.
Things were so much easier when there was a singular goal.
July of 2001 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
I spent the next 5 years trying to reach that 5 year cancer-free milestone. That was my driving force for almost 6 years.
I reached that milestone, and paused.
Pausing and reflecting are good activities. The problem is I've been paused for far too long. I need a reason to press on. A reason to get up in the morning and do stuff. I know of lots of things that should be that reason. But none of them carry the urgency or intensity of staying alive.
I don't expect you, dear reader, to know what that reason is any more than I know it. I am simply logging my disenchantment with the status quo.
I recently told a friend, "Nothing will change until you change".
Perhaps it is time for me to heed my own advice.
I realize that this blog post took place some time ago and hopefully you have found yourself past this point. I just wanted to let you know that your words touched me because I find myself in the situation where I have been working towards getting to my own milestone and as the date nears I am not sure where to go from there.
On 2/2/08 my husband passed away from lung cancer and through the hard days and the even harder days I have focused on getting myself and the kids through the first year. Now that we are nearing the one year mark of his death I find myself wondering what comes next? What do I focus on now?
I still don't have the answer to that but I just wanted you to know that your blog post made me reflect a bit today.
Hey there.
I can relate to what you wrote. After a cancer diagnosis, the main focus is on "reaching milestones." These milestones are arbitrary markers that show your progress against time. I felt the same way after I hit my 5 yr milestone, and then my 10 yr. What next? It's a process that each survivor must go through - your perspective changes, sometimes daily! Give yourself time - it all unfolds. Just get up and go... and you will find your way. I just wrote about the same thoughts on my blog: http://acs.typepad.com/kacs/
hang in there! stay strong.
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